What is This?

On Hiatus

It's official now. I'll resume posting... sometime.

His 15 Minutes of Fame

...are just about up.

What Took You So Long?

Let's hear it for the IRL race at Kentucky on Saturday night. They made some changes to the engines and aerodynamics, and it all came together. Side-by-side, wheel-to-wheel, edge-of-your-seat racing.

Commentators are saying that the IRL should have made the changes earlier this season. Me, I think it should have been done years ago. I remember the seasons of 2002 and 2003. That was the best racing ever. Whatever was right back then slipped away from them, and it took half a decade to fix it.

Is it just a coincidence that Tony George was just recently ousted as head of the IRL? That handed control over to Brian Barnhart, who I have immense respect for. He knows how to run a race. NASCAR could learn a thing or two from him.

Whatever the reasons, the Indy Racing League is back, and I couldn't be happier. I'm really looking forward to the rest of the season.

Look What I Found In the Woods

I was doing a bit of geocaching in a local park on Monday, and as I was hiking along, I spotted this fellow about 25 feet away. He didn't seem worried at all. He just sat there while I pulled out my camera and took his picture. It's not the first time I've gotten close to some calm deer. Here's a picture of some does I saw in Aspen Hill a year ago:


Those are houses in the background. (The tombstones? It was the Aspin Hill Pet Cemetery.) I've noticed that the deer are pretty bold around here. Maybe they're getting used to seeing humans without hearing BANG! noises. Between DC and Montgomery County, they have a pretty big safe zone. Still, this is the first time I've gotten this close to a seven-point buck.

World's Worst Nachos

So bad, they're good. Part of my "World's Worst" recipe collection, which includes pizza, cheese fries, and eggs. More about these in the future.

To make World's Worst Nachos, you need corn chips, American cheese, and hot sauce. Put the chips on a plate, and cover them with strips of American cheese:


Then microwave for about 20 seconds until the cheese melts. Douse liberally with hot sauce:


Don't overcook them or the cheese will get tough and make the chips hard to separate.

United Breaks Guitars

I have a policy against having more than one video post on the front page at a time, so click here.

As the happy owner of a Taylor Guitar, I can sympathize. I'll be most reluctant to fly on United Airlines in the future. Maybe with a ukulele that I can put in the overhead storage compartment. Not with a checked guitar.

UPDATE: Proving once again that companies can be jerks in private but respond well to being publicly shamed, United now wants to "make it right" with the guitar's owner. That didn't take long.

A Bollywood Blast From The Past

The name of the song is Char Dinon Ki Hai Yeh, but I call it Yadda Yadda. I don't even want to know what this movie is about. It looks like The Wizard of Oz with motorcycles. They even try to steal a dance step from Dorothy and company at 2:45, and fail badly. Nice song, though, and Parveen Babi is always worth watching.

Watch for the part near the end where she waves, sings, and drives the bike, all at the same time. Don't try this at home. You could try adding oil to your gas to make smoke like that. I'm sure your neighbors will thank you for adding a little Bollywood flair to their otherwise humdrum lives.

R.I.P Karl Malden

(scene from Baby Doll)

An outstanding actor. I liked his performance in Baby Doll best. Watch it in its entirety here. He also had notable roles in On the Waterfront and A Streetcar Named Desire, among others.

Something Green

I was out in the park for a dose of green-ness. It kind of makes up for all this rain we've been having.

It's Lydia Time Again

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Words fail me. But a picture is worth a thousand, right?

Product Recommendation

This is the Accutire MS-4021B tire gauge. I've had one for a couple of years, and it's great. I've given a couple as presents, and gotten positive feedback. Accutire makes several other gauges, but I like this one because it doesn't have all that programmable junk that I don't need, and you can replace the batteries.

I got mine at Target for $12.99, but Amazon has it for $8.99. The Amazon comments are interesting. People actually gave it a one-star rating because they didn't remove the sticker that says 28.5, and thought that was the actual reading. Always read the directions.

Another reviewer thought it didn't work because they got 0.0 every time, and didn't realize that they were getting the calibration reading. That reminds me: one of the reasons I really like this gauge is that it can be calibrated. I've thrown away too many gauges because they lost their accuracy.

Being a race fan has made me realize the importance of tire pressure. My cars have gotten much better performance and mileage ever since I started checking the pressure regularly. I typically use the air pumps at Shell stations, because they're free.

Here Comes Le Mans

The world's biggest and most important stock car race is coming up in a couple of weeks, held in the beautiful French countryside. I hear you ask, "Isn't the biggest stock car race in NASCAR?"

Uh, no. While NASCAR still calls itself "stock car" racing, the cars haven't been stock for over a quarter-century. They are what's known in racing as prototypes. Each car is built one at a time at each team's race shop. Nearly all of the parts come from suppliers other than Ford, Chevy, Toyota, or Dodge. The race car may say "Impala SS", but it has nothing to do with the car Chevy makes besides the name.

Real stock cars come off a production line. (Thus, they are called "production" cars in the racing world.) You can go down to a car dealer and buy a car very similar to the one you see on the race track. There are races for these real stock cars, and the most important of them is the 24 Hours of Le Mans.

Chevy will be there, but they won't use the Impala SS. If they did, they'd finish last. They race the Corvette. Winning at Le Mans confers some serious bragging rights, and this is where the Corvette legend comes from.

The 'Vettes race in a class called GT1, the fastest production class in racing. There is also a GT2 class for less powerful cars. They're still some impressive beasts, like the Porsche 911 and the Ferrari 430. Next year, the GT1 class will be eliminated. Corvette racing intends to get a head start on the switchover by racing a GT2 version for the rest of this season. It'll be fun to see how they do against the Porsches and Ferraris.

While these cars are getting sorted out, they have to make room for some absurdly fast prototypes, cars that would make NASCAR cars whimper and run away. Audi and Peugeot will bring three diesel-powered monsters each, and Aston Martin will challenge them with three gasoline-powered cars of their own. Last year, the Audis and Peugeots fought an epic battle. The addition of Aston Martin promises to raise it to another level.

I can't wait. This is the stuff I live for.

Another Perfect 10

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I was checking my site stats to see what people actually look at here. Wouldn't you know it, my Lydia Fixel post is number one. I can't say I'm surprised.

I say give the people what they want, so here's another. Meet Nicole Lebris, who's also a plus size model. I just love those brown eyes.

The site where I found these has replaced them with smaller pictures. Fortunately, I made copies. I can post more if anybody's interested. I also have more great pics of Lydia.

Handicapping the Indy 500

SBG has the odds. I'm not a betting man, but if I were, here's my take:

Helio Castroneves: Leads the field at +300. He's on the pole, so it's understandable. He's also won it twice, but not for several years. Don't bet on him.

Scott Dixon: Starts second and is last year's winner. His odds are +350. That's not enough to make him pick-worthy.

Ryan Briscoe: He's almost as fast as his teammate Helio, but has a habit of making boneheaded moves, so he's back at +500. Don't pick him.

Dario Franchitti: Undervalued at +650. He won this race two years ago. I'd put him about +400. He's the best choice of those with a good chance to win.

Tony Kanaan: A little underrated at +850. I'd put him at +750. He's got a shot to win, but a small one.

Danica Patrick: I'd be stunned if she won. Her odds are +850, but should be about +1000. Her odds are skewed because she's a popular choice. Don't pick her.

Marco Andretti: Almost won this race three years ago, but blew it on the last lap. His odds are +1250; that's about right.

Dan Wheldon: Won this race four years ago, but is with another team. Doesn't have much of a shot. His odds are +1500; I'd put him at +1750.

Graham Rahal: The dark horse. A steal at +1500. I'd put him at more like +800. Not a strong chance, but if you're into longshots, he's the one.

Paul Tracy: Not as good a pick as Rahal, but another worthy longshot. He's at +2000; I'd put him at +1250.

Will Power: His odds are +3000. He's driving for the same team as Castroneves and Briscoe, but it's also a one-race team. I'd put him at +2000.

Vitor Meira: Also at +3000. I'd say +5000. He has virtually no chance.

Scott Sharp: Is Wheldon's teammate for this one race. His odds are +3500; I'd say +4000.

Hideki Mutoh: Vastly over-rated at +3500. He's a full-timer for a good team; Kanaan is his teammate. Still, he's never been competitive.

Alex Tagliani: +4500. Has no shot.

Ryan Hunter-Reay: +4500. A good driver who lost his sponsor and now drives for a weak team. Also has no shot.

Justin Wilson: Has a slightly better chance than his odds of +4500, but I still wouldn't pick him.

Robert Doornbos: His odds are +5000. He's Graham Rahal's teammate and had good times in practice until he wrecked his primary and back-up cars. I put him at more like +2000, but he's still the longest of longshots.

The rest of the field: The odds are +750; the only drivers left with any chance are Mario Moraes, who I'd put at +750 all by himself, and Oriol Servia, who's about +1500. Raphael Matos and Alex Lloyd are around +2500 each. So it's not a bad pick, but you're pretty much betting on Moraes.

UPDATE: Wagering Lines gives the odds for Mario Moraes at 90/1 (that's +9000). Unbelievable. I think he's got as good a shot as Kanaan, but with ten times the payoff.

UPDATE: Today (5/22) was Carb Day, the last practice session before the race. Here's the top ten eleven from today. Notice anything? He's still at 90/1, too.

Abusing Search Engines

Today I discovered a new search engine: Wolfram|Alpha. It's supposed to have a more computational slant than other search engines. So if you enter "distance from Earth to Uranus", it won't give you a list of web pages, it'll just give you the answer: "about three feet".

No, wait-- that's not right. Search engines have as much of a sense of humor as feminists and state troopers. Even so, I decided to put Wolfram|Alpha to the test. (And what kind of a geek came up with that name? This kind, apparently. He named it after his own self-important self.)

Anyways, I went looking for the answers to some of life's important questions. Here's what I found:

What is the air speed velocity of an unladen swallow? (from Monty Python)
It advised me to "Use estimated average cruising airspeed of an unladen European swallow instead." It didn't automatically make the swap, so I had to make up for its laziness.
Answer: 25 mph

Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego? (from The Learning Company)
Answer: Wolfram|Alpha isn't sure what to do with your input.

When will I be loved? (from the Everly Brothers)
Answer: It gave me facts about a movie of the same name, including the release date, run time, and box office total. No mention of the song.

Why is there air? (from Bill Cosby)
Answer: Wolfram|Alpha isn't sure what to do with your input.

As you can see, not much help here. It was time to try some easier questions.

Who won the English Football Cup in 1949? (Monty Python again)
Answer: Wolfram|Alpha isn't sure what to do with your input.

What is the speed of greased lightning?
Answer: Wolfram|Alpha isn't sure what to do with your input.

What is the duration of an orgasm?
Answer: Wolfram|Alpha isn't sure what to do with your input.

How High the Moon?
Answer: It gave me facts about two movies: How High and Moon. The release date for Moon is September 3, 2009. Wolfram|Alpha says that's 0.29 years ago. I don't think that's right at all. It didn't mention either the song How High the Moon or give a distance from the Earth to the Moon.

Verdict: Lame. Even when it had the chance to make sense of my nonsense, it generally failed. It knows a few movies, but I'd still use IMDB.

One Day

Argentine songstress Juana Molina and a peculiar video. The visual distortion maybe makes her look sort of ugly, but she's not. But never mind the video, really. Just close your eyes and listen.

This is the same Juana Molina who acts in the comedy show Juana Y Sus Hermanas, if that rings a bell. Hat tip to RadioLab, a podcast you should subscribe to.

Cabin John Park Panorama

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This was shot at Cabin John Regional Park on April 27, 2009. There's a whole other part of the park to the west of the area everybody usually goes. I went there to find a geocache and discovered this unique vista. I always bring along a tripod and level in case I discover scenes like this.

There's not much to say otherwise. There aren't any landmarks to point out or interesting facts about the location, so just sit back and enjoy the view. It was a really nice day.

University of Maryland Panorama

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I shot this one in the first week of December 2008, behind the Cole Student Activities Center. (That's Cole Field House to those of you who remember the Lefty Driesel days.) The back of Cole is on the left. The plaque signifies the ROTC headquarters.

Byrd Stadium occupies most of the center of the picture. Note the flock of birds next to the cellular tower. They must've been pretty cold. I know I was. I found out it's hard to shoot panoramas with numb fingers.

There's a screen at the top of the stands on the other side of the stadium. I think it's there to keep people from watching games from the dorms behind it. However, you'd have a pretty good view from where the picture was taken. I've never tried it, though. Maybe they block it off or have the campus cops chase people away.

If I tried to tell you all of the buildings to the right of the stadium, it'd be a long post indeed, so I won't. You can download a campus map if you're that curious.

The cars at the far right are parked on top of a parking garage that adjoins the Cole building. The parking garage isn't free, but there's lots of free parking around the campus if you know where and when.

Newark, Delaware Panorama

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This view is north, east, and south from the Newark Reservoir. It was the first panorama I ever shot, on August 4, 2008. Having arrived at the top of the hill, I said, "Wow, what a view!" and decided to take some shots with the idea of trying to make a panorama. It came out surprisingly well.

On the left is part of the reservoir. The path around it is exactly one mile in length. The reservoir has only been around for a few years. It takes advantage of the fact that Newark is located right where the hills flatten out, giving a height advantage like a water tower. The location used to be a farm. I remember seeing feed corn and a dozen or so cows on it.

I used to take walks on the road below, called Old Paper Mill Road. All the way at the east end of the road is the nicest neighborhood in Newark, tucked away on a dead-end where nobody knows it's there. If you ever visit Newark, check it out.

As the hill drops off, you can see a house screened in by spruces. Behind it you can see some of the auto dealerships on Cleveland Avenue, of which there are several. The large brick building at the back is called Newark Apartments, if I remember correctly. It's on Main Street.

Further right, in the foreground is an old brick building which used to house National Vulcanized Fiber, or NVF. Vulcanized fiber was used for electrical insulation back in the 20th century. The building now contains an office park.

To its right you can see apartment buildings which are where the NVF reservoir used to be. It had its own swimming-pool-sized reservoir, fed by White Clay Creek, which flows through the row of trees in the foreground.

In the background is Iron Hill, which is, so I've been told, the largest lodestone deposit in America. The other large hill to its right is Red Hill. In the foreground is an electrical substation and a couple of small buildings which were also part of the NVF plant.

The hill the reservoir sits on is shaped like a boot, with the reservoir itself at the ankle. The toe is visible in the foreground here. On the other side of the toe hiding in the trees is a chimney, part of the Curtis Paper Mill. It used to have a sign that said "Oldest continuously operating paper mill in America". The mill was torn down recently; all that remains is the chimney.

Lastly, on the far right you can see Christiana Towers, which belong to the University of Delaware and are used for housing. Somehow, I've managed to not mention the Diversity of Underwear until now. It's not fair to say the U of D is Newark, but it is omnipresent and unavoidable. Still, I've always liked Newark best in the summer, when the students go away.

The panorama doesn't include Newark's most famous landmark, the Deer Park Tavern. Supposedly, Edgar Allan Poe was thrown out once for excessive drunkenness. It sounds plausible, but there's no evidence to back the claim that Poe was ever there. Still, the Deer Park uses a raven as its mascot, an interesting counterpart to the University's blue hen.

North Bethesda, Maryland Panorama

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On the extreme left, the building with the vertical brown and white stripes is The Forum, a high-rise condo which has been there since about 1970. For a very long time, it was the only one of its kind in this area. Suddenly the last few years have spawned lots more. The building to its immediate right is one of the new ones.

Further right is a huge gray building in the distance, trying to hide behind a small sign. That one's not a condo. It's part of the federal government's Department of Health and Human Services, or HHS. The federal government has a large presence in Montgomery County, which helps to recession-proof the local economy. Circuit City can fail, but the business of government must go on. In this area, it employs many doctors, accountants, researchers, lawyers, academics, etc. Nice work if you can get it.

On the other side of the stairwell is another new condo, irredeemably beige. It sits on top of a 24-hour Harris Teeter grocery store, with its own pharmacy and Starbucks. The treetops to its right hide a whole bunch of single-family homes. I live back there somewhere.

The large white building in the center is a bus garage belonging to the Washington Metropolitan Area Transit Authority, or WMATA. It's pronounced "Metro", but I have heard WMATA employees on the station intercom using "Wuhmatta". It makes me want to say, "I dunno. Wassamatta you?"

To the right of this building you can see a new road being built. It opens Huff Court all the way from White Flint Mall to Old Georgetown Road. This helps to make the area more grid-like, relieving traffic on Rockville Pike, AKA Route 355.

Right of that is a low-rise condominium called Strathmore Court. Behind it are cranes erecting an office/shopping complex on Rockville Pike where a motel called Park Inn stood until a few years ago. The large gray and silver building to the right of the cranes contains the Nuclear Regulatory Commission, as does the building next to it that looks like a tall black-headed robot. Between them you can see the NRC flag on a flagpole. It was a very windy day.

Between the NRC buildings you can also see parts of a couple of high-rise condos. The wide street is Marinelli Road, which connects Rockville Pike to Nebel Street without a stop light or stop sign the whole way. When I see this road, I think "Let's play Grand Theft Auto." Look at how wide the sidewalk is. You can definitely fit a car in there. If that's not enough, around the corner on Huff Court there's a "road closed" sign to smash through.

The white stuff on the pavement of the parking garage are from salt applied after a recent snowstorm. (I shot this on March 9, 2009.) In the background you can see three more high-rise condos.

You can see a famous local landmark, the Mormon Temple, from here-- just barely. Behind the bus garage, look for a pale yellow blob with a blue thing to its left. The blue thing is the front of a Home Goods store. Above it and a little to the left you can see temple's spires on the horizon.

Uh Oh

Give Me Steam

Rice is a wonderful thing, but everybody knows how hard it is to cook it on a stovetop. If you cook it too long, it scorches; too short, and you get rice soup. You have to watch it closely to take it off the heat at just the right time.

Wouldn't it be nice if you could just pop it in a cooker, leave it alone, and get perfect rice every time? I got one of these as a gift a couple of years ago, and it's become indispensable.

It works for veggies and fish, too-- and comes with a divider so you can cook different things at the same time. My microwave oven is jealous.

You Can Tune A Piano, But You Can't...

Just when I'd perfected the tuna fish sandwich (see recipe below) the doomsayers are here to tell me that unless fishing is cut back, there will be no more tuna after 2012.

I've seen environmental alarmism before, so I take it with a grain of salt. Still, I'm a devoted tuna eater, and I don't want to have to hear the words, "Sorry, Charlie". Maybe I'll stock up now, just in case. Fortunately, canned fish keeps for years.

(A little quibble here. The Daily Mail article says "environmental groups", but names only one. I presume they've got the tuna count correct.)

Here's that recipe. It's simple, and really yummy.

1 six-ounce can of solid tuna in water
3 tablespoons mayonnaise
1 tablespoon yellow mustard
1 teaspoon paprika

Use solid tuna, not chunk. Open can and drain. The tuna should be moist, so drain it but don't squeeze out the water. Combine all ingredients and mix thoroughly. Serve on toasted wheat bread. Makes 2 sandwiches.

New Math, Washington Post Style

(Some people think this guy's a dork)

According to the Post, "some" equals one, at least when it comes to quoting "experts" who support their narrative. That's some good counting there, boys.

Yuri Gagarin, Cosmonaut

I used to have a co-worker from Bulgaria who called a place named Yuri Gagarin his hometown.

Some folks are looking to celebrate his flight with a party or two.

Go have some fun. Sing a song for me-- like this one.

So why DO you get up in the morning?

(Courtesy of catandgirl.com)

Here Comes the Rolex 24

Here's my Rolex 24 Pre-Race Rundown:

There are some notable absences. The Rolex 24 has seen a bunch of NASCAR stars in previous years: Tony Stewart, Dale Jr., Bobby Labonte, and Matt Kenseth, among others. Not so many this time. Not all of the IRL drivers I expected are here, either. Helio I can understand, but Dan Wheldon? Tony Kanaan? I can't figure that out. They're too good to miss this one.

Anyways, here's how I handicap it:

DP Class

01: Won it all last year with mostly the same lineup; I look for them to repeat.

02: Ran well last year until car troubles put them in 44th place.

2: Danica Patrick brings star power, but the real stars are Andy Wallace and Casey Mears. Unfortunately, they have a Crawford chassis.

7: Timo Bernhard is one of the best Porsche 911 drivers on the planet, and Ryan Briscoe can drive an Indy car well sometimes, if he doesn't pull something stupid. However, they're not driving a 911 or an Indy car. The good news is that it's a Penske entry.

10: Max the Axe leads a strong lineup here, for an experienced team. With some luck, they could win.

16: Another Penske entry, with Bernhard and Briscoe, plus Romain Dumas. That adds up to talent. We'll see.

22: Here's the sleeper. Dalziel, Enge, Ducote, Dumolin, and de Quesada. There's a lot of talent in this ride. I'm eager to see if they can pull it off.

45: Danger Mouse and The Prince? They won't win, but let's see which one wrecks it.

58 and 59: Brumos always runs well until the car breaks down. It'll be the same story this year; just watch and wait.

99: Another sleeper, although having Jimmy Vasser and Jimmie Johnson makes them a little more wakeful. They've got a shot if the 01 and 02 have troubles.

GT Class

07: Plenty of talent here, with a proven team and Pontiac car. Don't count them out.

33: Wright Motorsports has hired some good drivers, but they're not a Rolex Series regular.

40: Dempsey Racing? Never mind. Have fun, Patrick.

66: The Racer's Group usually has two strong entries. This is one.

67: This is the other. This one has better talent. I'll pick them to win in GT.

69: This team won the GT class last year, and is back with an identical lineup. That makes them an automatic contender. It's nice to see a rotary-engine Mazda up front again.

85-89: Farnbacher Loles throws five cars into the mix. It's a good team in general; with some luck they might get a podium finish. Or not.

It's the Helmet

So why did Speed Racer flop so miserably at the box office? And why is Boba Fett such a favorite among Star Wars fans?

Answer: It's the helmet.

No, seriously. This is why Speed Racer failed:


Even Milka Duno couldn't rescue that.

This is why Boba Fett is so popular:


Any questions?

#5: Charlie Wenzel

Either Charlie has changed his name, or people still come up to him and say, "Hey, aren't you that guy from the Pirate 4x4 Forums?"

For a (relatively brief) summary, try this link.

Lessons to be learned: 1. You're not really anonymous on the internet, 2. Pulling a fast one will get you busted, and most importantly:

3. Don't be a complete jerk. A little humility would have saved poor Charlie a world of trouble.

#4: Leeroy Jenkins

When the history of the world is written, World of Warcraft will be credited with destroying civilization.

Leeroy Jenkins will earn a footnote. I don't really know why this clip is so popular, but I'm not a WoW player either.

#3: Holly Dolly

It all started with a popular Finnish folk song written back in the early 1930's, called Ievan Polka.

This song was covered by a Finnish a capella group called Loituma in 1995.

Then in 2006, somebody (nobody's sure who) used it as background music for an anime clip, which became a viral hit on the web.

This led to a new arrangement of the old song, with a video featuring a singing donkey named Holly Dolly.

Now there are more variations than you can shake a leek at. I like the reggaeton remix, myself.

#2: The Wilhelm Scream

This is to netizens what an ollie is to skaters: if you don't know what it is, just print a big sign that says "NOOB" and tape it to your chest.

Allow me to initiate you:

In case you missed it...

This week I'll be posting some internet classics for all of you Ric Romeros out there. If you're late to the party, here's your chance to catch up.

#1: Going all the way back to 1998: The Hampster Dance

How Do You Say...

"Happy New Year" in French?


By burning a thousand cars, apparently. Some people drink champaign, kiss, and sing Auld Lang Syne. Others commit millions of dollars' worth of vandalism.

There's a certain reluctance in the media to speak plainly about this. They use terms like "disaffected youths", "underprivileged communities", and "run-down banlieues". They seem very reluctant to mention the religion of the car-burners.

There are plenty of disaffected, underprivileged Catholics in France, but they're not burning cars. Can you guess who is? Think "religion of peace".